I watched as the pigs cautiously investigate the small patch of fresh leaves in the middle of a clearing. I was perched in a tree, waiting for one of them to move into the open. I watched as one of them took a hesitant step, but I didn't move to throw the spear. Instead, I waited for the second pig. If I went after the first one if I missed I wouldn't get a second chance. Waiting until they were grouped up increased my odds by a good margin. I did slowly raise my spear though, expecting their fear to fade at any moment. Sure enough, the next pig moved up, triggering a wellspring of piggy courage. Soon the small herd moved to the leaves, and I raised a thumb to aim my spear.

I let out a soft exhale of breath and threw. I didn't wait to see if it hit before reaching blindly behind me, grabbing another spear from my back. The disgusting noise of spear rending flesh came from the herd, followed by a chorus of distressed oinks. I didn't see a body as the herd began moving out of the clearing, and prepared to throw another spear. I moved it behind me before the flutter of wings startled me out of my hunting trance.

I moved on reflex, half-expecting a knife to be heading for my neck. I stepped off of my perch, rolling sideways to look behind me. There was no flash of metal as I caught a look of purple before gravity fully sunk its claws into me. I hadn't been ridiculously high up, but any drop had the potential of lethality. I didn't let my body control my actions though. I forced myself to relax, knowing I was at an angle that might end in a snapped neck. But this was better than letting whatever shocked me having a chance at any perverse actions with me while I was still alive.

It's strange. Despite my refusal to die, I was almost looking forward to it. A final end to this nightmare. No more nightmares about blades in the night, no more regrets about time misspent with Celestia. I crashed into the ground like the worlds floppiest brick. My back impacted first, sending my body into searing pain. I barely had time to feel it before the back of my head cracked into the dirt. I couldn't feel anything for a moment, my vision going blurry for a moment as my ears rang out in protest. I groaned as I realized that I was not only alive but also in so much pain my body was having to feel it in waves. Except for a particular burning spot in my gut. I risked glancing down at it and saw a barbed speartip rising from my stomach. I was lost for a moment at the red flesh hooked to one of the barbs, as well as the glint of blood on the rock I had chipped into a blade.

I stared at it for a second, before a cough sent a supernova of pain through my body. I saw flecks of red arc through the air as I regained my wits. I could feel shock setting in, making the wound seem like someone else's problem. I forced myself to focus, as my shaky hand went to my knife belt. It took a few tries before I felt myself get a solid grip on the handle. I ripped the knife from its sheath, before grabbing the spear and beginning to cut through the shaft.

I couldn't hear anything as a purple shaft of magic seemed to slowly form around the spearhead. The ringing in my ears abated slightly, and I heard a voice saying something beside me. I didn't even waste the time to look. I grabbed the broken spear and pulled. I could only vaguely hear my own screams as I forced the shaft out of my body. I'll admit I was no doctor, but I had been hurt enough to learn a few basics. I pawed at the small pack at my side before a force made my hand rest at my side. Another flash of purple seemed to creep across my vision. As soon as it tinted everything I could see, darkness followed. I fought it, feeling the effects of a sleep spell trying to snuff out my thoughts. I was far too tired. The darkness seemed to get faster as it began a steady crawl from the edges of my vision.

I woke up to the fiery pain of a stomach wound. I flinched upwards, before moving my head to the side and throwing up. Red and green mixed in a disgusting puddle at the floor of my shack. It took a moment before I realized that it was indeed my shack floor. The hammock I lay in being proof enough of that. I felt a forceful hoof making me roll over again, back onto my back as a straw found its way into my mouth. I didn't have the strength to resist and sucked at the drink forced on me. It was water, and judging by the lack of aftertaste foreign water at that.

I took a few sips of lifegiving water before it was pulled away, prompting me to angrily groan before a voice forced me to stop. "I'm so sorry, but if you drink any more you'll hurt yourself."

I forced my breathing to calm as I thought on the voice. It was soft. Far too soft to be any creature that had lived in the wastes for too long. It was also familiar. Memories bubbled up, an evening of playing with a small herd of rabbits while a spell hummed in the background. A morning picnic as I smiled with only the silence passing between us. I woke myself up from my reverie, before forcing my head to turn. The purple from earlier was explained as Twilight was sprawled out in the corner, breathing softly as she slept. However, my attention was stolen by the pony holding a hoof to my shoulder.

The yellow fur and pink mane demanded my attention as I stared in horror. It was one of the few nightmares that could torment me while I was awake given form. Fluttershy was here. Fluttershy was in a place that followed no laws except kill or be killed. I wouldn't doubt the ability of any of Twilights friends to survive here, however briefly. But Fluttershy wasn't meant to see ponies killing each other over a broken down medkit. I tried to force myself to speak, my throat feeling like it was filled with the sand littering my floor. "L-Leave."

Fluttershy tapped my shoulder, and I could practically feel her calm smile from beside me before I even saw it. "I promise we will, but not until your all better."

I grumbled and turned away. I may not have been a good man anymore, but I also wasn't a monster. And yelling at Fluttershy was definitely a monstrous action. I nodded at her and tried to lift my head. The pounding pain coursing through my skull tried to force me back down, but I muscled through. I was stripped of my makeshift clothing and covered with a light blanket. I had bandages wrapped tightly around my gut, without the tint of red on the white surface I expected.

I let my head fall back into the crook of my hammock, letting it swing slightly at the sudden movement. I heard Fluttershy move slightly before she spoke again. "Would you like some more water?" I nodded, feeling the straw come near my lips again as I took a few sips before lightly spitting it out. Using the water to clear my throat I tried to speak again. "Dog?"

I thought of my word choice for a second. I didn't mean to ask about dog, but I guess it makes sense, he's an important part of my hunts. I heard Fluttershy's wings flutter, whether from excitement or concern I didn't know. But the pause was enough to give me a mild feeling of concern. It was laid to rest as I heard her calm voice. "He's fine. Considering your environment he's in good health. He could use a flea bath and an anti-parasite potion though."

I smiled at the absurdity of that. It was so stupidly Fluttershy. I'm out in an exile's island and cut off from civilization, and she's telling me how to take care of my hunting partner. I couldn't even be angry. I chuckled once, the movement of my stomach making me wince. "Not really an option out here." When I heard my own voice it sounded awful. Like how you imagine cracked mud would sound if it could speak.

Fluttershy smiled softly, before rubbing my long hair. "That's okay, I'll see if I can find some later." It was nice, having someone stroke my hair as I laid down. If it was any other day I probably would have been lulled to sleep. But I forced myself to stay awake, I still had important questions to ask.

Not that I moved to stop her hoof. I swallowed again and felt my throat still achingly dry. "Water?" She nodded and stopped stroking my hair, to my minor displeasure. That displeasure was swiftly silenced as I received another dose of pure water. After a few large sips, my throat felt ready to speak again, and I released the straw. "Thank you." My voice still sounded wrong, but speaking didn't feel like dying anymore, so that was a plus.

I looked down at my bandages again and winced as I tried to lean up. I was going to have to check them. I reached for the wrapping with shaking hands, slipping a lone finger under them and trying to lift the clean bandage. A hoof stopped me, as well as quiet tuttering. "I'm sorry, I know you've been on your own, but trust me, it needs to stay under there a bit longer."

I sighed and leaned back. "If it was anyone else Shy, I'd move them out of spite."

She smiled weakly. "I-I know you're mad at everypony else, but they really do feel awful about all this..."

I reached out a hand, trying to show Fluttershy I wasn't mad at her. I lightly patted her head. "I bet they do Shy, but they all approved of my exile. You're the one that stood up for me." I paused thinking back on the long wagon ride from Canterlot after the verdict. "And, I probably wouldn't be as mad if I even knew what was said."

I stared at my ceiling, not really wanting to look at Fluttershy while remembering my descent into this forsaken pit. "I was deemed unfit to stand trial, and never told why. I only even got told what happened because the guards 'escorting' me from Canterlot told me all about it on the way."

I blinked a few times, trying to forget about the way those utter flanks talked about me. "I still don't even know what evidence was used to convict me, just that there was a key piece that Luna felt proved my guilt." I felt myself falling into decade-old habits, petting Fluttershy's mane and venting. If I ignored my own pain it almost felt like old times. Back when life was simple and I worked as a simple handyman in Ponyville.

I felt Fluttershy flinch at that. I wasn't sure if she never knew that I was left in the dark or not, but apparently, she expected me to have figured it out a decade later. I hadn't. Nobody cared about news in the Noots, and I wasn't one to buck the trend. Why care about the past when surviving just another day is a battle all on its own? I didn't let her flinch stop me though. Old habits die hard. "I don't really blame them. If Luna herself thought I did it then why try to get her off my tail. She's a literal goddess and all that. And apparently Twilight had some damn good testimony since they called it the thing that sentenced me. But I don't really blame any of our old friends."

I dropped my hand, letting it hang limply while I simply reclined in my hammock. I took a few deep breathes, not allowing my self to cry twice in as many weeks. "And if I thought for a second that I could go back to the way things were, I would. I'd burn down this shack, and break all my traps. Leave this place for the next unlucky bastard."

I blinked hard, slamming my eyes shut as I thought of my little cottage. Was it even still there? Or had they demolished it the second I was declared guilty? I hoped if they did Slithers was okay. I paused, before remembering Fluttershy was right there. "Is Slithers okay?"

She didn't speak for a moment, but I heard a soft exhale of breath. "Yes, I moved him into my house as soon as I could. He misses you terribly."

I grunted. "He's probably getting old, huh?"

I turned to look at her again. But she had a smile on her face. "He's only as old as you think. He'll probably be around quite a few more years."

I smiled at that. "You've been making sure to give him plenty of time out and about right? He really hates being stuck under that lamp all day."

She nodded. "Of course, he likes to curl up on the roof and watch all the other critters play."

I smiled wide at that. "He always liked watching people work. Lazy bum." I sighed and felt the pain in my gut. Pleasant conversation aside I really needed to figure out just how injured I was. I still hadn't gotten my stockpile for winter finished, and if I was out for a week I could ruin my chances of getting enough food for the season. I leaned up, trying to keep myself from spilling the hammock and by extension, me. I got about halfway there before a sudden flash of pain forced me back down. "Fuck." I felt a hoof on my chest, but playtime was over. "Shy, I need a favor. In my chest, there's a small bag with a red x on it. Grab it and bring it here."

I heard the shuffling of hooves while I checked myself over for non-life threatening injuries. Nothing else seemed like an open wound, though I figure if there was one Shy would have already treated it. Seeing nothing, I knew which potion to use. When Fluttershy returned I took the bag without a word, opening it up and looking inside. Five small coconuts sat there, tied shut with homemade ropes. Each one had a carving etched in it. I rifled through it, before finding the one I was looking for.

It was smaller than the others and had a three etched on it. I undid the rope holding it shut before opening it to showcase the green liquid inside. I slammed it down in a single gulp. It tasted like whiskey, and not the good type either. It was rotgut styled and packed way more punch than whiskey could ever hope to. The burning seemed to turn into a physical wave once it cleared my mouth, and expanded from my throat to my entire neck. The wave traveled down my body, and with it, my aches and pains vanished. I suddenly realized why the alchemy book said this potion was so addictive. As soon as it cleared my toes I felt bulletproof. I couldn't feel any pain, just the normal comfort of my hammock as I swayed gently in my home.

I let myself revel in that feeling for a moment longer before sitting up and kicking my feet off the hammock, using it as a chair. Fluttershy jumped back and stared as I gave her a wink. "I gotta run some errands, make sure dog got those pigs back here and all. Keep Twilight asleep yeah? Don't want another yelling match as soon as I get back." I got up quickly, leaving a confused Fluttershy as I moved my curtain to the outside world.

Sure enough, Dog had brought the pig I knew I hit back to my camp. The spear was still lodged in it, clear through the neck. I grabbed the bloody end, pulling it through before quickly inspecting it. It was still in good shape, a washing was all it needed. I set it down in the sand before reaching for my belt and pausing. I was naked. I stared down at my bandaged body in surprise. I slept without my crab clothes on, but I kept a few key pieces of clothing on. Including my knife belt. I snapped as I realized what happened. I told Twilight about... I shook my head. I was high on the numbing potion, and that was infinitely preferable to thinking about the past. I moved to the small outroom I had hooked to the shack. Inside was mostly storage for things that I didn't want cluttering up my sleeping area. Including spare tools. I grabbed a knife that I had taken from some griffon, all sharp edges and scary looks. It was barely serviceable, meant more for looks than anything. But it would do.

I stripped the hog down fairly quickly. As expected dog showed up for his cut as soon as I started whistling, and I made him a neat pile for all the detritus inside the hog I wouldn't eat. I chucked the bladder and bowels though. I had learned from the first time he took a bite out of those near me. By the time I strung up my kill from one of the trees nearby, I could feel the potion wearing off, and my pain was growing steadily. I moved back to my shack, already feeling a limp from my injury forming before the pain even set in.

I moved the curtain and found Fluttershy staring at the coconut that I had drunk from, looking it over like it was some ancient artifact. I sent her a semi-positive sounding grunt as I sat back in the hammock. "It's what I use for my potions."

She quirked her head at me. "I didn't know you knew alchemy. What potion was it?"

I shrugged. "Well, I say potion. Technically it's from a book on poisons. It's addictive, and removes inhibitions when you drink it." I grunted as I laid back down, and silently wished I had another dose nearby. Not that Shy would get it for me. "But it also makes pretty much all pain disappear. Traditionally you spike a drink with it before a duel and open up a minor artery. Let the target bleed themselves out while you can focus on defense."

I shrugged again and felt my gut explode into pain. I winced, and let out a small grunt of pain. Fluttershy looked between me and the coconut, but I paid her no mind. I simply shut my eyes and faded off to sleep.

I woke up an unspecified amount of time later. With a grunt, I checked over my body. The bandages were gone, and despite a nice scar across my stomach, I looked healthier. I stretched up, happily avoiding the massive amount of pain my last nap had given me. I sighed happily and looked around my shack. It was clean, with a surprising lack of ponies. I moved to my curtain, peeking outside. Oh. The ponies were outside. Twilight had found my firepit, and with the dusky time of day, had elected to start a small bonfire. Fluttershy was playing with dog, whose tail was wagging excitedly. I smiled happily at it. A bright point in my dark life. I glared as Twilight looked to me, which seemed to bow her back to the fire.

I ran inside and threw a simple pair of pants on, and debated hiding inside. Instead, I opted to go out and sit beside Fluttershy, while rewarding dog with a head scratch for his help on a good hunt. Or a horrible one. "So Flutters, am I cleared for moving around?"

She nodded, watching as I patted the side of dog's face. "You should have full motion right now, Twilight got most of the damage healed, but you shouldn't strain yourself for another few days." I nodded and looked to my hanging pig. I'd have to slice it into strips to make jerky later. Fluttershy spoke up again, with a nervous edge in her voice. "Uhm, do you want to hear what evidence was brought against you in the trial."

I froze. Answers. Answers I had been wondering about for years. I moved my eyes to look over the ocean, staring at the waves. "Yeah. I think I'd like that."

Fluttershy shuffled a bit, looking at the ocean beside me. "There was a lot of little stuff. How you would comment on poor security, how much Celestia trusted you. That sort of thing. The real evidence was the fact you were in the restricted archive so much."

I paused. I had absolutely no idea "The what now?"

Fluttershy stared at me in confusion. "The restricted archive? The dark library you would hide in whenever you visited Canterlot?"

I paused for a minute, trying to dredge up decade-old memories before I winced. "That place was restricted? Celestia said I could use it cause there was some weird background hum that reminded me of home."

I heard Twilight perk up at that, shifting sand telling me she was moving behind me. Luckily she didn't try to interfere as Fluttershy wrapped me in a wing. My first instinct was to push her away, but I restrained myself. "Oh dearie, that background hum was the latent Dark Magic that was burned into the books. They can make you do all sorts of things if you hear them too much. That was Twilight's testimony, a latent corruption that activated when you saw Celestia."

I shrugged, so Twilight's science babble damned me to hell. I suddenly missed books a whole lot less. "Explains why 'Tia always checked me afterward." I paused, thinking back on it. "Hey Flutters, did you know she offered me a job there?"

Fluttershy began idly patting my back with a hoof. "Really?"

I nodded, trying to dredge up the moment in my head. "Yeah, I had gone in a few times without asking. The first time she looked super worried, but after a flash of her horn she calmed down. I guess I know why now." I paused, only to feel dog cuddle up in my legs. I patted him on the head, trying to distract myself from the memories as I spoke. "After that, I was told as long as I went to see Celestia afterward I could come and go as I pleased. After a few more visits with numerous spells cast on me afterward, she offered to make me the librarian."

I clenched my fist, realizing just how close the pain of memory was to the surface. "I asked to think about it." I let out a bitter laugh. "After all, I'd have to move from my place in Ponyville. Even if Celestia was my best friend, Ponyville had a lot of friendly faces that I'd have to bid goodbye."

I felt Fluttershy flinch at the way I said friendly and placed my hand on her neck as best I could. Her wing was still draping me and gave a comforting squeeze. "I decided to spend the night, and then... well...."

Silence rained in my camp as Fluttershy shifted, pulling me into a full hug. Tears didn't spill this time, just the bland numb feeling of loss that came with thinking. I let it wash over me, leaving my soul as a stone in the middle of a sea of apathy. Then Fluttershy shifted her wings, and I looked down at her. She was crying. I had seen many creatures cry. I could still see everything I'd killed. I remember the griffon who I beat to a pulp, her tears as I descended upon her with a jagged hunk of wood before I ripped it across her chest. I could remember the tears of the minotaur captain whose ship I stole. His utter horror at realizing his last hope of escape was the very thing that got him killed. He cried silently, as I pulled the rope of the mast tight around his neck. None of those tears broke through the sea of apathy.

But Fluttershy. Sweet, wonderful Fluttershy. She dried up that sea quicker that the sun could dry out a puddle. I wrapped her up in the biggest hug I could manage. I heard her whispering in my ear. I steady mantra of apologies. I didn't try to stop her, instead opting letting myself openly cry in her hooves. How long had it been since I openly cried in front of another pony? I couldn't remember.

I don't know how long we sat there, but by the end of it, Fluttershy's fur was a mess. I laughed as soon as we could both control herself. "God, this is so much better than last time!"

Fluttershy looked up at me. "Last time what?"

I patted her head. "Last time I cried with another thinking creature. It was.. bad." I winced at the thought. A poor Earth pony who had tried to do me in for another group. We cried as she bled out, tied up in the floor of my shack. Two lost souls cursing their fate. I shook my head. "I've all healed up Flutters, you and your little escort need to head out. This place isn't meant for ponies like you."

Fluttershy looked at me, and I could see the regret in her eyes. "I can't force you to come with us... but..." She grew silent as I stood up.

"Fluttershy, I don't think I could go back just yet. Do you even know why I fell?"

She shook her head, but Twilight spoke up. "I scared you. Right?"

My head snapped to her, my gaze hot enough to burn her to cinders. "No. I heard large wings behind me. I jumped off the branch to avoid the knife I thought was already coming to me." I took a step towards her. "Now imagine if a foal snuck up on me and I didn't run. Imagine I tossed a knife behind me, which I've done before. I would kill a kid just because they were dumb enough to go and see the monster." I leaned down into her face. "So I'll stay right here."

I froze as a soft hoof touched my shoulder from behind. I fought all of my instincts to throw it over my shoulder and crush her throat my a punch. After a moment I slowly turned to face the pony behind me. Fluttershy was there, a soft smile on her face. I scowled at her. "Were you not listening Flutters? I might have killed you?!"

He smile deepened, and she tapped my back. "But you didn't."

I snorted. Such a cliche phrase couldn't really help. Could it? Maybe she had a point. At some point, I could go home. Then Twilight moved behind me, and I acted without thinking. Her hoof that was on it's way to me was roughly grabbed. With a shift of my hips, her entire barrel was shouldered over my back. With another subtle movement, she was briefly airborne, before slamming into the ground. Then my thoughts caught up to my actions, and I stumbled back. "See, I can't be trusted! Maybe I could behave around you, but not every single pony in the world!"

Twilight coughed. "No, you could come back Jackson. It would take time, but-" She cut herself off with a cough, before calming down. "But you could heal. And seeing ponies is part of that."

I scoffed. "Whatever. Look, how's this. If you bring Flutters I'll keep the lethal traps off when I'm home. You two can visit. Maybe." I waved behind me as I turned back home. I felt exhausted, both emotionally and physically. "Just... just don't drag any ponies with you. If I see somepony I don't like I might hurt them on reflex." I went back into my shack and threw the curtain behind me. I shuffled back to my hammock and lay back down. After a few moments, dog wandered in. I laid a hand down onto his head, and let myself drift off to sleep.